People Make Me Tired

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30

I’m an introvert…to my core. No shockers here. I’m the girl who, in my own room, with a door I can close, constructed a reading nook where I can further hide myself from the world. Don’t misunderstand, I love people. I love to be around people but they make me tired. My soul gets really tired, really quickly.

There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert or needing time alone. There’s nothing wrong with barricading yourself behind a bamboo room divider and disappearing into a great classic novel. The problem comes when this is where my soul looks for rest.

As I try to figure out this life of loving God and bringing His Kingdom I am often overwhelmed by the thought of all the people I know and the more I meet everyday who need the love of Jesus. How do I make an eternal impact on their lives without going deep in relationship with them? How do I have that many deep relationships with that many people when who I really want to hang out with is Jane Austen? It all makes me feel very ‘heavy laden’.

You must be thinking, “Wow, the last place this girl should be is on the mission field.” And there are days I’d be inclined to agree.  I’ve often envied the dad and chauffeur from Sabrina who sits in his above-the-garage apartment with his books, occasionally drives his rich employer to a meeting only to wait in the car…with his books.

Ahh…the life…

But that is not the life we are called to live. We are loved. Deeply. Intimately. Extravagantly. Irrationally. We are called to love others in the same way. We don’t love people because we’re supposed to. We love them because the love of Christ for us is too much for our finite hearts to contain. It spills out on anyone we meet.

This is the yoke He wants me to take on and the burden He asks me to carry. Seems a bit lighter in that context. He is not asking me to save the world or even to save Phnom Penh. He is asking me to learn from Him, to see how He loves me and know how I am to love those on my ministry team and the prostitutes I meet at the park and the kids trying to sell me books on the river front.

Written on my bathroom wall in dry-erase marker is the phrase “Your yoke=rest for my soul-daily need”. Don’t judge the grammar. I scribbled it one sleepy morning after having read the above verses. It reminds me (usually while I’m in the shower) to take on His yoke every day; that my own idea of how I am going to “win the world for Christ” will always leave me ‘heavy laden’. Each morning while I’m rinsing my hair I ask Him for His yoke and His burden. It is the only way I’ve found to love without reserve and still not exhaust my soul.

Mr. Darcy ain’t got nothin’ on that.

PS- I am still in great need of monthly support.  Please consider joining what the Lord is doing in Cambodia.  Click the link on the right to donate.